20th Annual Bandon Dunes Winter Invitational
January 27th - February 2nd, 2025
January 27th - February 2nd, 2025
The honored few who have been deemed worthy of an invitation and their established Vegas odds on taking home the coveted championship trophy.
Mike "Aim Left" Danitz (13.0)
Scott "Fiona!" Danitz (31.0)
Father-son duos are supposed to be heartwarming, but this one's more like a low-budget horror flick where it's more about showing the titties of the super hot, unknown actress than developing an actual plot. Scott should be getting more pops than Orville Redenbacher, but the new rules have cruelly capped him at 18, giving him essentially no chance to win. Should still have a great chance for some skins though, so at least you've got that going for you. Mike, meanwhile, is living his best life, taking all those extra swings and playing all those extra holes. Mike takes so many swings, even the weird couple on the cruise ship with pineapples on their doors are jealous. These two will rack up some special "father-son" memories, but no chance at a victory, so we'll pray those memories don't include where they finish on the leaderboard.
Bryan "The Candyman" Jobe (13.6)
KB "Drop the Bomb" Barnett (10.0)
Jobe and KB are the combo that will make sure the party never ends... Except when it comes to the party on the actual golf course, which they'll probably abandon somewhere around the 12th hole. KB, a newcomer to the festivities, is already at a disadvantage just by being associated with Jobe, who's more interested in being the chief instigator of the party than actually winning the tournament. When he's not passing around the handle of Fireball or distributing gummies that probably should come with a warning label, Jobe's got one goal in mind: ensuring the calamity never stops. As for KB? He's got a much better shot at catching herpes than a trophy, but at least he'll have some good stories to tell when he gets home.
David "I Object" Judd (22.2)
Nate "Sorta Doc" Martin (4.3)
Nate and Judd have all the ingredients for a good time: Nate's a solid golfer and they've got a strong party background from their days at the University of Idaho, but unfortunately being Vandals also means they have no idea how to win anything of importance. Judd's a victim of the "no double pops" rule, and with Nate in tow, their chances of winning plummet faster than the number of beers in the cooler. Maybe if Joel and Geno show up to take their place, they might have a shot, but unfortunately, they've got more important tournaments to win. Perhaps Nate should just start handing out beer pong trophies, because at this rate, that's the only kind of victory these fellas are going to see.
Jereme "All-In" Marshall (9.0)
Mike "Blacklist" Fengler (0.3)
As a PGA teaching pro, Mike has all the wisdom of a golf guru, but when it comes to his own game, he's the very definition of "do as I say, not as I do."" At least he's been removed from the Bandon property blacklist, so that's already a win. Jereme, the Uber driver of the group, is always down to shuttle the crew to The Mill for some terrible hot dogs, Taco Bell for more Crunchwraps, or the Bachelor's Inn for questionable late-night adventures. Shame about the fire, but I'm sure he knows where the "talent" is hiding in Coos Bay. Unfortunately, Mike's actually good at golf, which means they'll never win with Nate setting the rules, because let's be real, Mike's game is too polished for this tournament. Maybe if there was an official "gross score" division, they'd have a shot, but until then, they're destined to be tournament pretenders, not contenders.
Steve "Eat-a-Dick" Rogers (13.7)
Randy "Feeling Frisky" Terrel (20.4)
This double dip is more bad improv routine than comedy dream team. Steve's no Captain America: in fact, his only superpower seems to be yelling "eat a dick" like it's printed on his business card. With the permanent confusion of an old man who's lost his car in the mall parking lot, he brings all the swagger of a guy who thinks cargo shorts are a personality trait. Randy, another tournament rookie, is already doomed by default. Watching new guys try to putt at Old Mac is like watching someone assemble IKEA furniture: slow, painful, and destined to end in a crumpled heap of frustration and tears. Early bedtime? Sure. Terrible hangover? Absolutely. A win? Not in this lifetime.
Jason "Semen IMpossible" Thomas (15.0)
Jeremy "Magic Mushroom" Williams (11.3)
Jason's glorious return is like an N'Sync reunion tour: everyone secretly wishes for it, but no one is brave enough to say it out loud. This team is legendary at Bandon, even outside the Winter Invitational circle. The source of their legend? The art of hiring a third caddy for... well... less-than-golf-related duties. Felipe drops more beats than Dwight Schrute, while Ricky mixes psychedelic mushrooms with course knowledge. This team knows how to let loose and have a blast, but unfortunately, their ability to play golf is inversely proportional to the beer cooler's fullness. The more empty it gets, the worse their scorecards look, but if they can remember how to swing clubs and not just the cooler, they've got a chance to make some noise.
Rob "Toe Job" Hobson (10.2)
Dustin "Dusty Dick" Normandin (11.6)
Dustin and Rob are the golf equivalent of a cross country road trip: lots of laughs, plenty of questionable decisions, and definitely a few stories no one is willing to talk about later. Rob sounds like he's fresh out of a banjo duel, and his toe putting technique is like watching a cat try to play the piano. He's lost more balls on the Punchbowl than anyone in history, but at least he's got family ties to fall back on (Kentucky cousins are no joke). Dustin, the devilishly handsome one, somehow keeps bouncing between teams like he's auditioning for the Bachelor, but maybe this union will spark the super team chemistry he's been missing all along. One thing's for sure: this team will have fun, even if that fun is mostly spent watching Rob's golf game spiral into chaos.
Jason "Texas Wedge" Smith (20.9)
Jarrod "Shrimp on the Bar-B" Stevens (7.6)
This boozy bromance is a masterclass in controlled calamity. Jason, the drunk uncle of the tournament, shows up every year armed with the confidence of a man who knows his way around a Texas Wedge better than a GPS. If it’s inside 150 yards, he's putting it; if it's outside 150 yards, it's in danger of becoming a souvenir for the local wildlife. Jarrod, on the other hand, is the unsuspecting Aussie newbie, blissfully unaware that his biggest challenge won't be the course, but babysitting Jason every night and hoping he somehow ends up in his own bed. Expect them to place high - Jason's record speaks for itself - but not without Jarrod rethinking every life choice that led him here.
Nate "Hawg" Smith (13.9)
Sean "Nut Flush" Murphy (10.5)
This team is a tribute to mediocrity, propped up by empty beer cans and questionable decision-making. Nate, our esteemed tournament chairman, runs this thing like a dictator, tweaking every rule to ensure his competitive advantage. Unfortunately, his golf game is a series of piss missiles and divots so deep they could double as foxholes. Then there's Murph, the lovable wildcard who's more focused on poker logistics than golf strategy. He's playing sober, which is essentially golfing in hard mode at this event. The real drama here is whether Nate's score or his Coors Light tally breaks triple digits first. Spoiler alert: the party loft and Bud Zeros aren't saving them.
Dane "Mickey Mouse" Christofferson (9.4)
Quinn "La Tortuga" Christofferson (13.2)
The Christofferson brothers are living proof that opposites attract - genetics be damned. Dane, the tall, dashing Disney prince, prances onto the course like he's fresh from a Magic Kingdom fun run; powered by pixie dust and 1,000g of protein. Then there's Quinn, the brother who fell off the wagon: less "Disney blockbuster" and more "straight to Disney+” with no plot, no catchy songs, just another money grab while ruining the main storyline. It's almost as if Quinn thinks he's being paid by the hour at this thing. Only thing slower than his pre-shot routine is his ability to fold thirty hands in a row until he's the big blind. Once dominant champs, now stuck in a real-life version of Frozen: let it go, boys, let it go.
Barrett "BigDumbOx" Smith (7.9)
Jared "Death or Glory" Smith (6.4)
Everyone's favorite Band of Brothers: Barrett, the undisputed king of style, walks onto the course like he's about to hit the Catalina Wine Mixer. His fashion choices are as bold as his putting game - expect long putts and even longer stares from confused onlookers. Then there's Jared, the unpredictable force of nature. One minute he's dropping bombs off the tee like he's channeling his golf simulator god-mode, and the next he's veering into the woods with the recklessness of someone living his mantra of "death or glory." When Jared's on, they're contenders for the crown; when he's off, well, let's just say “glory” might turn into a quick exit and another run to The Mill. Either way, they're guaranteed to bring bedlam, style, and a whole lot of potential. Prestige Worldwide might just take the trophy, as long as Jared doesn't forget which golf version of himself is supposed to show up.
William "1-Eye" Watson (4.7)
Doug "Dougie Fresh" Brinkman (13.9)
This tandem is the golf equivalent of a Vegas bachelor party: frenzied, unpredictable, and guaranteed to be a good time. There's even a solid chance they wake up with a tiger in their rental house one morning. 1-Eye looks like the kind of guy who could take down a bear with a 7 iron, but really, he's a teddy bear who'll happily take bets from anyone with cash in pocket. If you're smart, you'll let him win to avoid using those winnings on knee surgeries though, right Dougie? Meanwhile, Doug brings the fun like a walking, talking party bus. Throw Wallsy, their caddy, into the mix, with his meatloaf sandwiches, inappropriate jokes, and questionable counting skills, and this team is primed for a good time, and with some luck, maybe even a tournament title.